The good news is that evidence suggests parental communication and monitoring is protective against these poor outcomes (3). Sexual and gender minority youth are overrepresented in the homeless population (meaning more homeless youth are LGBTQ than “straight”). In addition, LGB youth who come from highly rejecting families are over 8 times more likely to attempt suicide than their LGB peers from families with low or no rejection (2). Sexual minority youth (e.g., those that identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual-LGB) are almost 5 times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers (1). Research tells us family support is important. To me, this provides motivation to try my best to provide that safe, loving environment to talk even if it’s uncomfortable. If they learn it’s not safe, they will seek out other avenues to get information. Remember, your kids don’t have to share this stuff with you. I also like to thank my kids for sharing their thoughts with me. Then, as your conversations progress, you can gauge where your child is with their own feelings, what level they are at in understanding and offer that reassurance to them that you are open to listening. (check out and for more info about healthy relationships). That can become a teachable moment to ask questions like “What do you think about that?” or “Do you have feelings for anyone?” And, to round out the discussion to include healthy relationships, I might say “How would you handle having a crush on somebody at school?” and even “What does it mean for someone to be a good romantic partner or a not so good one?” The focus for that question is to provide the opportunity to talk about respect, trust, kindness, support, etc.
When my kids and I are in the car, my daughter might tell me her friend has a crush on someone. How might you accomplish this? Rather than one daunting, formal “sit-down” conversation, look for teachable moments. No need to ask your child what their sexual orientation is, but rather explore their thoughts and feelings with them as they develop. Sexual orientation is one thread of the beautiful tapestry of who your child is and how they interact with the world. You can dive into deeper conversations as your child gets older.īy the start of puberty, which can be as early as 8-9 years old for girls and 9-10 years old for boys, the goal would be to have had several (if not many) “mini” conversations about topics that set the foundation for healthy relationships with friends, their own bodies and, eventually, romantic relationships. As with most topics that fall under the umbrella of sexual or reproductive health, rather than having a one and done conversation or “the talk,” it should be many conversations over time. So when should you talk to your child about sexual orientation? My advice is to talk to your kids about sexual orientation and, more broadly healthy relationships, early and often. Often, sexual orientation and gender identity get lumped together by the use of the abbreviation LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning). Some terms you may have heard include lesbian (a woman attracted only to women), gay (a man attracted only to men also used as another term for lesbian), bisexual (a person attracted to both male and female genders), heterosexual (a person attracted to the opposite gender) and pansexual (a person attracted to another person without regard for gender). Sexual orientation is who you think you are attracted to or could see yourself loving. Gender identity is who a person sees themselves as on the gender spectrum (such as female, male, non-binary). Sexual orientation really is that physical attraction and romantic attraction. How I typically explain sexual orientation is “When you think about who you are interested in romantically or physically, who do you picture? Males, females, both, neither?” Let’s start with the basics of sexual orientation.
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Through providing health care to teens for the past decade, I’ve picked up some tips on how to talk with my kids that I hope can help you. These questions are a great opportunity to share information with your child about important topics like sexual orientation and healthy relationships. If your kids are curious – like most children are – they may ask you about it. It’s not unusual for someone to have two mommies or two daddies. Families are diverse and don’t look the same for each child.